Blueprint Cleanse, Day 1: On The (Juicy) Warpath

Me being a raging you-know-what today has nothing to do with the Blueprint Cleanse and everything to do with me being mid-menstrual cycle, running on 3 hours of sleep (up late working) and dealing with a workload that could flatten a horse.

That said, being HONGRY did not add a nice point to the situation. I’m not actually hungry. I have a faint feeling that I should be eating something, but my hunger is all mental.

Here’s a little vid I made before I left feeling like a traveling juice smuggler this morning:

Notes from my day:
8:30 a.m.: Juice #1 (Green Lemon) tastes like garlic or cayenne, but there isn’t any.

10:30 a.m.: Juice #2 (Green Ginger) I think it’s the ginger and cucumber that stand out. (I was drinking these without their names right in front of me, so I was going off taste alone.)

12:38: Juice #3 (Green Apple) I realize all the green juices list the same ingredients outside. I experience a moment of despair.

2:30 pm: Juice #4 HOORAY, SPICY LEMONADE! That was the only thought in my head at that moment.

2:43 Coworker comes back to the office carrying a small box stuffed with two slices of pizza from my favorite no-name place down the block.

I shoot her an email. No subject line. No punctuation. Only, “Why must you torture me so”

4:45: Juice #5 (Green Parsley) Tastes like tomato, though it contains none. I think I’m hallucinating pizza.

5:47 Direct message on Twitter from a friend: “Mmm. Druse & beer. had some plans cancelled, you around and hungry?”

I tried to respond graciously, directing him to view my tweets about my juice fast.

He responded that he missed them, he’d been “oddly focused” that day. Yeah, focused on failing. Then he asked, “Does chocolate counts as food?” So, I killed him. Just kidding.

I had the poor sense to mention that message publicly, resulting in super clever, highly original text messages from friends.

Him: Could really go for a big steak right about now….


Him: Kidding! :) hope the cleanse is going ok!

Me: Not even a little bit funny.

Him: Aw .. You’ll feel awesome when it’s over

Me: I’ll feel awesome when I’m not mid-cycle, running on 3 hours of sleep, buried at work and fielding txts from friends who talk about steak.

Him: Indeed! Maybe sunshine would help too. Good luck!

Me: That was my textual equivalent of a snarl. Pls hold remaining steak txts until next wk. I know where you live.

Him: Okee!

And finally I’m home. (Juice #6: Cashew Nut Milk! Amazing!) I closed a deal (yay) and have a pounding headache from exhaustion (boo). I live a life of extremes.

Which brings me to my friend Sarah’s comment yesterday when she saw I was doing the cleanse. “I’m surprised you went for Level 3.”

Really? I do pretty much everything all out. I’m an All Or Not at All person. Despite the fact that I’m not one for Things In Moderation, I’m very serious about my health and about everything I put in my body, all puns intended.

When I cook at home, I strive to eat gluten free and eat mainly whole foods. I don’t have celiac, but just feel lighter and like things are clearer when I don’t have wheat or processed-food products. I cook meat rarely, because hormone and antibiotic-free meats are expensive. I like when the person selling it to me can tell me exactly where it came from and how it was raised.

So, yeah. I want the Full Cleanse Experience. Bring it on.

I’m most interested in how I feel during this, not how I look or if I’ll lose weight. And today, what I feel is angry and irritable. I’m chalking that up to a huge sleep deficit, not the juice.

Tomorrow will be better. I’m going to sleep before 9 p.m. Not a bad life.


10 responses to “Blueprint Cleanse, Day 1: On The (Juicy) Warpath

  1. Emily, you are hilarious and I admire your dedication. Keep going your doing great!

    • Awww, thank you Sonya for stopping by! So funny … who thought when we were little 11 year olds running around we’d be (well, I’d be) doing stuff like this now?! :) thank you again.

  2. Ok – so I have been wanting to do a cleanse but here is my problem.
    1) does it still work if I cheat and have diet pepsi?
    2) can I have wine with it. i am thinking no.
    3) I can last a good 2 hours before i start hallucinating that a pizza is calling me.

    Good look girl!

    • For a cleanse, the idea is to give your body a break from things like soda or booze. I adore good wine, but appreciate more when I drink it less, you know?

      So, if the idea of not having these things for a couple days freaks you out, maybe just do green fresh juice for breakfast or do a 1 day cleanse and next time go longer if you feel like it.

      On this one, you can “cheat” but it’s with things like avocados, celery and cucumbers. For caffeine addicts, they allow a 1/2 c. black coffee. But again the purposes is not only to skip those less healthy things, but to want them less in the long run. :)

  3. This cleanse diet sounds interesting, but I’m afraid I couldn’t do it and work out. I’d have horrible headaches and just feel all worn out. I’m opting for a more minimalist diet instead (deets were on my blog Monday)

    • Whatever works for you. I don’t think you would feel worn out doing this one though – it’s different from the ones people try at home. All fresh juices with more nutrients than I get in my regular diet = lots of energy.

  4. I’m sorry beloved I really did not mean anything mean towards judging your “junk food”.

  5. Strong work, Emily!! I have done this cleanse several times, and actually should have another delivery (level 3) on my doorstep tomorrow–yay!

    What your friends need to understand is that this is not a “cleanse diet.” It has a finite ending–meant exactly how you used it: to make you more aware. The toughest thing, I have found, is the inability to chew. :)

    As for your friend Jon, let him know that many athletes (myself included) have no problems keeping a regular schedule while doing the cleanse–which, especially for a novice, lasts a maximum of 3 days!! Although, if he truly is concerned, he can do a shorter cleanse (as you mentioned to another poster), or plan on working out a little less strenuously during that time.
    As for wine, etc… I, too, enjoy good wine, but if someone cannot let it go for a day or 2, then juice cleansing is the least of their worries.

  6. btw, Emily, just looked a little more at your blog–as well as mouthoftheborder. great stuff! (found you via the bpc facebook post, in case you’re wondering)

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