Me being a raging you-know-what today has nothing to do with the Blueprint Cleanse and everything to do with me being mid-menstrual cycle, running on 3 hours of sleep (up late working) and dealing with a workload that could flatten a horse.
That said, being HONGRY did not add a nice point to the situation. I’m not actually hungry. I have a faint feeling that I should be eating something, but my hunger is all mental.
Here’s a little vid I made before I left feeling like a traveling juice smuggler this morning: http://flic.kr/p/7PowXk
Notes from my day:
8:30 a.m.: Juice #1 (Green Lemon) tastes like garlic or cayenne, but there isn’t any.
10:30 a.m.: Juice #2 (Green Ginger) I think it’s the ginger and cucumber that stand out. (I was drinking these without their names right in front of me, so I was going off taste alone.)
12:38: Juice #3 (Green Apple) I realize all the green juices list the same ingredients outside. I experience a moment of despair.
2:30 pm: Juice #4 HOORAY, SPICY LEMONADE! That was the only thought in my head at that moment.
2:43 Coworker comes back to the office carrying a small box stuffed with two slices of pizza from my favorite no-name place down the block.
I shoot her an email. No subject line. No punctuation. Only, “Why must you torture me so”
4:45: Juice #5 (Green Parsley) Tastes like tomato, though it contains none. I think I’m hallucinating pizza.
5:47 Direct message on Twitter from a friend: “Mmm. Druse & beer. had some plans cancelled, you around and hungry?”
I tried to respond graciously, directing him to view my tweets about my juice fast.
He responded that he missed them, he’d been “oddly focused” that day. Yeah, focused on failing. Then he asked, “Does chocolate counts as food?” So, I killed him. Just kidding.
I had the poor sense to mention that message publicly, resulting in super clever, highly original text messages from friends.
Him: Could really go for a big steak right about now….
Him: Kidding! :) hope the cleanse is going ok!
Me: Not even a little bit funny.
Him: Aw .. You’ll feel awesome when it’s over
Me: I’ll feel awesome when I’m not mid-cycle, running on 3 hours of sleep, buried at work and fielding txts from friends who talk about steak.
Him: Indeed! Maybe sunshine would help too. Good luck!
Me: That was my textual equivalent of a snarl. Pls hold remaining steak txts until next wk. I know where you live.
And finally I’m home. (Juice #6: Cashew Nut Milk! Amazing!) I closed a deal (yay) and have a pounding headache from exhaustion (boo). I live a life of extremes.
Which brings me to my friend Sarah’s comment yesterday when she saw I was doing the cleanse. “I’m surprised you went for Level 3.”
Really? I do pretty much everything all out. I’m an All Or Not at All person. Despite the fact that I’m not one for Things In Moderation, I’m very serious about my health and about everything I put in my body, all puns intended.
When I cook at home, I strive to eat gluten free and eat mainly whole foods. I don’t have celiac, but just feel lighter and like things are clearer when I don’t have wheat or processed-food products. I cook meat rarely, because hormone and antibiotic-free meats are expensive. I like when the person selling it to me can tell me exactly where it came from and how it was raised.
So, yeah. I want the Full Cleanse Experience. Bring it on.
I’m most interested in how I feel during this, not how I look or if I’ll lose weight. And today, what I feel is angry and irritable. I’m chalking that up to a huge sleep deficit, not the juice.
Tomorrow will be better. I’m going to sleep before 9 p.m. Not a bad life.