9/12/2007
On the rooftop
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All I remember is the sentence ended, “at least that’s what I like to tell myself.” Something about not being sad because we’ll be older and wiser and more prepared than we would have been had we found our other halves sooner.
But still the message from one of those others, an other who might have been, confirms those thoughts. I’m not the only one who thinks it.
Continue reading
Who am I?
Don’t we all ask ourselves that from time to time?
Some of us are luckier than others. We know our purpose; we know why we were put here and what our cells are made of. At our hearts, even when shaken and broken down, we know we can return to ourselves and find some strength within. In those times, we’re in search of bedrock. A foundation for something pure, secure and steady. Continue reading
If you’re on the friends list, then you get my (usually) daily mini-blog via bulletin called “The Happy Five.” [NOTE: This blog was originally published on MySpace.] It’s just a list of five things that made me happy on that particular day. They range from the mundane (like the enduring mystery of the “knork” aisle in my little bodega of a grocery store) to the “that-could-only-happen-to-Emily-in-NYC” type things (like my once or twice a month run-ins with champagne, cupcakes and Google engineers). I’m re-posting today’s list here as an homage to all my friends who opted to stay in today, away from the rain or snow, just veggin’ out. Continue reading
“Burke said there were Three Estates in Parliament; but, in the Reporters’ Gallery yonder, there sat a Fourth Estate more important far than they all. It is not a figure of speech, or a witty saying; it is a literal fact, very momentous to us in these times.
Literature is our Parliament too. Printing, which comes necessarily out of Writing, I say often, is equivalent to Democracy: invent Writing, Democracy is inevitable . . . It matters not what rank [the reporter] has, what revenues or garnitures. The requisite thing is that he have a tongue which others will listen to; this and nothing more is requisite.” – Thomas Carlyle.
The day I signed my employment agreement for my new job, I posted a late-night bulletin [on MySpace] with a brief mention of how I sealed the deal. Continue reading
May 17, 2006
Just wanted to put down on paper that I have decided to move to NYC. Time to make it happen. MAKE IT HAPPEN. What was it? Looking @ Craigslist last night and seeing that I’ll be able to get an apt. Looking through Gourmet magazine and remembering that all the great restaurants and cooking classes that I want to check out are in NYC. Make it happen. I need new friends. I haven’t let anyone here know all of me .. just a piece for this one and a slice for that one. All this self-protection, all these secrets. I want to let in strangers, let them know me completely. I guess we all want to be loved like that.
If I can empty myself again, like my Japanese well, I can fill myself up with something new. Something light, hot and shimmering. I’m finding my incandescence.
What makes me think I can? Well, who’s to say that I can’t? I always have and I always will.
May 25, 2006
I want to go. Today, I envisioned myself with shorter hair and places to go. I want not to redefine but to seek out a place where I can begin to give everyone all of me. I’m tired of giving this person this one side and this one another. But I’m not willing to lose the friendships based on those sides. So, I disconnect and go to another place that will forgive me for my realness.
September 5, 2006
How many people get the opportunity to change their life completely? How many can say they actually changed the course of their own existence? I am one of the lucky ones that realizes the value of letting go. Because I refuse to cling to the familiar, the comfortable and the loved, I will be rewarded with the chance to create my own world. The reality of that is just beginning to sink in.
To think that all of my hopes, and the hopes my family has had for me, will be realized is breathtaking. I will have those streets filled with people speaking other languages [note: this is a huge deal for me . . . in my journal when I was in high school and applying for college, I wrote that I wanted to live somewhere where I would never be bored and could walk down the street and hear all different languages]. I will have strange conversations on the train. I will have art house cinemas, more restaurants than I’ll ever eat at and museums to occupy me through endless weeks of rainy days. I will have my city.
New friends will have seen more places that me, will share w/me things I couldn’t have imagined on my own. I will be powerfully loved. Energy will find me. I’m about to enter the most challenging year of my life .. personally and professionally. In 2007, I’ll write a book. I’m anticipating more blood on the paper.
September 19, 2006
With only twelve weeks left, I guess I better decide who I want to be and and who I’d like to become when I get there. What do I want?
-smart, honest, creative friends who do stuff.
-culture (indie movies, museums, more concerts, cooking classes)
-time to travel
-healthy .. more walking, do Pilates @ a studio
-learn more about food and the cultures it comes from
-learn more about “blackness,” and what it means to be black
It just occurred to me that 10 years ago, right now I would have been starting at NYU. I was making a similar list of what I wanted from college back in the spring of 1996. Things really do come full circle. It’s funny that I still want some of the same things.
November 7, 2006
M came over last weekend and left with my Pier 1 tables and my awesome huge candleholder, coffeemaker and silicone bakeware. Yesterday, __ and ___ came by to pay for the furniture. It was so weird to see them leaving the house with my cooling racks and casserole dishes and dessert plates. My past is walking out of my life. Literally. Love is love. Love is love.
Caption: To Do list for my last week in NH.
December 16, 2006 1:44 a.m.
What to write? Who needs luck when you have love and determination? I know I am pretty much in a state of shock and won’t process the fact that I have just up and left everything and everyone I know until after I’m gone. There are people I didn’t even get a chance to say goodbye to. I’m so excited the day is finally here.
“And whether or not it is clear to you, the universe is unfolding as it should.” .. Desiderata, Max Ehrmann
And, really, this is just the beginning of the story. There is so much more to come. Do me a favor and tell your NYC friends on MySpace to check out my writing and to subscribe or send along a friend request if they like what they read. My goal all along has been to move in December and be settled by New Year’s Eve. NYE is my favorite holiday (along with July 4th, because of the fireworks). What better place to celebrate it than where the ball drops in real life and not just on TV? No more fantasy. Sh*t is real. This is my life.
This post is a continuation of Diary of a Decision, Part I.
Dangerously Enthusiastic 