Just Three Things, Real Quick

If you missed my demi-rant yesterday, here it is again with photographic evidence.

1. This entire city is ridiculous when it comes to “fashion.” Chicks put on their grandfathers’ smoking jackets with leggings and brown suede ankle boots and call it a motherf*cking day.

Why does it look like all of NYC is permanently doing the walk of shame? (A:Because they probably are. SexXxy.) People, there are plenty of places here to buy clothes. Get you some. Actually, scratch that. I’m having a great time snapping surreptitious photos of you in your 2-piece Lycra zebra print outfit. (True story.)

Surreptitious Photo

Surreptitious Photo

2. Why is it that everyone on the subway is simultaneously using four devices? Next time I see a 13-year-old bumpin’ to his iPod, while thumbing a message on his Blackberry, checking his MySpace on his laptop and playing some portable video game with his toes, I am going to . . . I don’t know what I’m going to do. I’m too busy trying to figure out if I’m going the right direction on the train or if I’m about to wind up on Coney Island.

3.Speaking of new devices, you know what I’m excited about? My gas stovetop. And my roommates’ teapot. Except I keep burning things in the oven part because I’ve never had a gas stove. It’s never the temperature it says it is. Minor detail.

P.S. I’m not the only one who hates motherf*ckers zoning out with their devices on the subway. Check this out (language NSFW): Evils of White Bluetooth. (And yeah, I have a Bluetooth. But it’s pink – and therefore not quite as evil – and you don’t see it on me unless I’m talking and cooking at the same time. Hmmm. Maybe I should try that on the subway with my gas stove. How’s that for multi-tasking, b*tch?!)

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