I’ve been getting a lot of great feedback and encouragement recently in my personal life and in regards to my career and my writing.
I enjoy genuine compliments, but I’m much more interested right now in finding out who hates me. Somewhere, someone in the world thinks my ideas are stupid, thinks they can write better than me or thinks they can do what I do but better. I have silent haters, and that sucks. Not because they hate me, but because I can’t hear them.
People admire celebrities because they have so many devoted fans. I’m only jealous of celebrities because they have vocal haters. Fans buy their music, read their books, wear their clothes … but haters are the ones who help them take their game to the next level.
I can’t wait until the day when someone shows up here to hate on me. I’m trying to take what I do on this site and on Mouth Of The Border to a different level. I want to create content that’s valuable for you and make you feel as excited as I do about what I’m living and experiencing. Leave reading the things I share with you having learned something new or seeing a situation in a different light.
And when the day comes when haters start showing up in my comments and in my inbox, I hope that people let them hate. I want to be challenged, I want to provoke. Let them hate because I need to hear them to make the best possible writing I can.
It’s inevitable that at some point in my journey there will be people who hate me as much as other people love me. I can’t wait until that happens.
Music for the Haters (Click song title to listen)
Hate Me Now – Nas
“Best storyteller thug narrator my style’s greater
Model dater, big threat to a lot of you haters
Commentators ringside try watchin my paper”
Some People Hate – Jay-Z
“Raw rough and rugged, when addressin’ the mass public
My attitude is fuck it cause motherfuckers love it
Got a, chip on my shoulder the size of the Golden Nugget in Vegas
And fuck bein famous, I came to get the butters
I came from the gutter, my success in this game”
Know What I’m Sayin’ – Mike Jones
“So do me a favor, and recognize that you a hater that couldn’t see me if I was your neighbor…
Shiit, middle fingers up (haters down).
We ’bout that drama, so if you don’t want it bitch don’t bring us up…
(Know what I’m saying)”
Can’t Fuck With Queen Bee – Lil’ Kim
“I know you wishin’ that you wrote this song
But these same words comin’ from you, would be a joke
You better off takin’ heed from your boy Jada
I know you, hate dyin’ – but you gon’ die a hater
I got a vision, I think for the future baby pah
Y’all nearsighted, lotta y’all, can’t see that far Lil’ Kim”
Of my first 4 shows in 2006, 2 resulted in hate mail. At first it was like a bitch-slap, but it also offered me an opportunity to defend my ideas, and forced me to make sure I knew what in hell I was talking about.
Now I welcome dissent. Unfortunately I agree with you on most everything, but I’ll see what I can come up with going forward. :)
Na – don’t need people to come up with stuff just to give me something to chew on. Just want to see what happens when I’m writing stuff that makes people think, stuff people take personally, something that makes them want to come forward and engage me.
I have mixed feelings about your request. One is do you really learn from the haters or do you attract people who just want to watch a blog fight? I think the way you grow and expand as a blogger/writer is to just be true and honest about where your at in thought mind and body. Haters are those who usually have no better ideas but just don’t like yours for whatever reason usually ennui,lack of their own ideas or a life.
what I want is honest feedback and people who are thoughtfully challenging my ideas – that will help make me better at what I do
Damnit, you’re powered by the haters?!?! I wish I hated you then. I guess my love for your writing will just have to serve as a consolation prize….
I’ll take it :)
The thing with celebrity hateres is that they promote them by talking about them publicly (on the internet, tabloids, etc.)
As a person who got a disproportionate amount of hate mail, I will let you in on a secret: most hate mailers are anonymous. They don’t promote you on the Internet.
Plus they don’t offer constructive criticism. They run the gamut of “you suck” to “you’re fat” (the latter seems to be one only female bloggers get.) They aren’t challenged by writing – they don’t look into it that far. Tres sad.
All of this is true, and I’m glad you brought all of this up. I mainly want to just learn from the people who would speak up and give me constructive criticism. But most of the people hatin’ are those who don’t have the drive, who are too scared to do something their damn selves. They’re hating instead of using that same energy to do their own work. And that energy is never useful. Thanks, Nina.
When I started getting hate mail, I knew I was on the right track. It’s always a bit of a charge to say to them – “you think I suck? Fuck you! Watch this next thing I do”. Sometimes all you need is a challenge. Good luck.
Thank you, Melissa. And thank you for just stopping by. Your project sounds tres interessant!
A reporter friend of mine once told me that he knew he was on the right track with a controversial story when he got hate mail from both sides of the issue once the story went to press.
I think you’d do well to ask for constructive, brutally honest criticism from people who actually know you rather than hate mail from people who may see one thing you write, feel like an internet troll that day, and decide to just reply with “UR so stoooopid!1!!”
If you want your friends to kick your ass in gear and give you solid advice, then they will. I don’t think you’ll find that haters give you any sense of what you need to improve, though.
Sometimes, though, the best advice comes from people who don’t know you. They can be more objective, and if they disagree, you can take a serious look at why, engage with them some more and learn from it knowing that maybe it’s genuine, honest feedback and not based on any personal feelings about you.
In Amanda Palmer’s newest blog, she addressed the question asked of her by countless kids and teens: “how do I get brave?” Her answer, in part, included this sentiment:
listen to people screaming that they hate you, take stock of what you’ve done, look everyone in the eye, tell them what your intentions are, and know that they will either hear and understand you or they will walk away.
and then your job is to not run after them.
your job is to stay calm. your job is continue on with your work.
And this gem:
for all of you writing in blog & twitter comments saying “FUCK THE HATERS”….please don’t feel like you need to say that to show your support.
please, you need to LOVE THE HATERS.
i have found, in my experience, that fucking the haters will not work.
brought me back round here…
Thanks so much, Bean. :) APalmer is rather fantastic!