I turned 18 a couple months before starting college. I had a religious upbringing and hadn’t been allowed to date in high school. I was a virgin, had never drank or anything like that. So, on Valentine’s Day weekend, I made a mix called “19 and 0, Love Songs for the Record” to commemorate 19 Valentine’s Days alive and single. I had a feeling future Valentine’s Days wouldn’t be so simple.

Original "Cover Art," circa 1997.

A couple of days after I made the tape, something horrible happened to me. I’ve mentioned it a couple of places on this site, but suffice it to say my memories and nostalgia around Valentine’s Day are tied up with some violent heartache as well.

I just found the tape and put it together as a playlist for you, in case you’re looking for some sexy, sad, naive, yearning kind of musical background for whatever you find yourself up to this weekend.

Here’s the playlist.

Here’s the track listing.
Side A
1. Crash Into Me – Dave Matthews Band
2. Putting the Damage On – Tori Amos
3. Kissing You – Des’ree
4. Fields of Gold – Sting
5. Possession – Sarah McLaughlan
6. Superstar – The Carpenters
7. You – R.E.M.
8. Pale September – Fiona Apple
9. New Orleans Instrumental #1 – R.E.M.
10. Romeo & Juliet – Indigo Girls

Side B
11. Say Goodbye – Dave Matthews Band
12. Let You Down – Dave Matthews Band
13. Glory Box – Portishead
14. Throwing Fire at the Sun – Heather Nova
15. Heart of Gold – Neil Young
16. Sandalwood – Lisa Loeb
17. Landslide – Fleetwood Mac
18. Am I the Only One? – Barenaked Ladies
19. Bizarre Love Triangle – Frente!
20. Down By the River – – Indigo Girls

There are two tracks missing from the online playlist. The tracks that were originally #2 and #20 on the tape are by a New Hampshire band called Thanks To Gravity. The tracks were “Infinity Christmas,” and “Truest Song.” To this day, their disc “Sonata Brutalle,” is one of my favorite CDs of all time. If you love lush tunes and heart-wrenching, poetic lyrics, then I recommend snagging a copy on Amazon.

Happy Valentine’s Day, wherever it may find you.

I’ve been running all over creation, living from ticket to ticket and out of pink suitcases, briefcases, sneakers, iPods and mittens. I think I have issues with pink addiction.

I’ve been thinking a lot about soundtracks for a future entry I’m writing. Have you ever noticed that a couple of days will go by, and all these previously meaningful or presently pertinent or just plain great songs keep playing wherever you go?

It happens to me when things are going well in my life and maybe that’s just because I’m more relaxed and therefore more open to what’s going on around me. Every place I’ve been to over the past few days had some perfect song playing right after I walked in.

And in the middle of a conversation with my friend L and this hot bartender chick at a weird little bar on Monday night, some song I had never heard started playing. I stopped the girls from talking and demanded that the bartender tell me who sang the song.

She grabbed a notepad full of guest checks, ripped one off, scribbled, looked at me and said, “Ok GO!”

I said, “No, tell me who sings this.”

“Ok GO.”

This went on a few more times before I realized the name of the band singing the song was Ok GO. Mind you, I was so sloppy that I walked into a wall at the end of the night. I have no recollection of this (how old am I?).

Anyhow, it’s this song that has such great lyrics that sound so fun and flippant and airy, but they are really a twisted little mindfuck. It’s like a sado-masochism meringue pie and I fucking looooove it. I don’t care that it came out a year ago; I want a slice. And the video (included here) just adds to the nonchalance of the message. So funny.

Further adding to the overall perfection of this song for my life soundtrack was the fact that I heard it while sitting in a bar, and while asking the bartender to play certain songs over again. Yes, that’s it. That stupid bar. It was perfect. All of it. Perfect.

The bartender's note

sit back, matter of fact
teasing, toying, turning, chatting, charming
hissing, playin’ the crowd

play that song again
another couple Klonopin
a nod, a glance, a half-hearted bow

oh such grace
oh such beauty
and lipstick and callous
and fishnets and malice
oh darlin’

(chorus:)
you’re a million ways to be cruel
(one zero zero zero zero zero zero cruel)
you’re a million ways to be cruel
(one zero zero zero zero zero zero cruel)
you’re a million ways to be cruel

i should, i wish i could, maybe if you were i would
a list of standard issue regrets
one last eighty proof, slouchin’ in the corner booth
baby, it’s as good as it gets

oh such grace
oh such beauty
so precious, suspicious, and charming and vicious
oh darlin’
you’re a million ways
oh darlin’

chorus

oh darlin’
oh darlin’
you’re a million ways
oh darlin’
oh darlin’
you’re a million ways
oh, darlin’
oh darlin’
you’re a million ways to be
oh oh oh oh oh

chorus

oh darlin you’re a million ways to be cruel.

- Lil’ Kim, “Quiet Storm” remix w/Mobb Deep.
(For more on what this song means to me, read “Music Coursing Through My Veins”.)

There is an energy that connects all of us and everything we come into contact with. If you can get close enough to touch someone, you can change them just by being that near to them. Call it magnetism or attraction – what you want is drawn to you in direct proportion to how much you want it. The fact that I need a name for it prevents me from trying to talk about it, so the lesson or the message eludes me. But other people who have this knowledge and ability know what I’m talking about without needing a label.

This energy boils down to belief. Some call this energy, this belief “faith.” Some call it a mantra. Some call it an affirmation. I (and I am not the only one) call it manifestation. There’s a documentary about it and it costs you $45 to try and learn something from it that I’m not sure can be taught. I’d tell you what the name of the documentary is, but like I said I’m not sure I believe in what it has to offer and besides, I haven’t seen it yet.

When you are able to focus on a goal or a cause, when you can actually fucking visualize the end result that you are after . . . you have almost achieved the goal without any measurable effort. And then when you are willing to prove how much you want something and are willing to put in the work to get yourself there, you can illustrate the meaning of “self-fulfilling prophecy.”

I think we all have a higher consciousness that could be so powerful if we knew how to access it. But instead of saying I’m psychic, I will say that I can consistently see an end result and then work to make it happen. Those end results become reality often enough that I feel like I can see my future. In actuality, I am creating my future. Right now, at this very moment, I can see that future as clear as day.

List 10 musical artists you like, in no specific order (do this before reading the questions below).

1. Jeff Buckley
2. Tori Amos
3. Damien “Jr. Gong” Marley
4. Buju Banton
5. Lil’ Kim
6. Notorious B.I.G.
7. Thievery Corporation
8. John Digweed
9. Mary J. Blige
10. Massive Attack

-What was the first song you ever heard by 6?
“Juicy,” which is one of my favorite songs and a theme for life.

Anyone who’s ever come from nothing, gotten a little hated on and then seen success has felt this song. I’ll keep singin’ along with it until I get there, and then I’ll sing it some more and pass out glasses of champagne to all the haters.

-What is your favorite song of 8?
Well, he’s an electronica DJ, so anything with Bedrock, Sasha or related to Creamfields is awesome. I took his pic through the booth at Avalon a few years ago and probably had an orgasm just standing there.

-What kind of impact has 1 left on your life?
His lyrics are fuel for my fire. “Everybody Here Wants You” is one of the greatest songs ever written.

-What is your favorite lyric of 5?
Too many. Let’s see, “No Matter What They Say,” is probably my favorite Lil’ Kim song (“If I was you, I’d hate me too.”), but my favorite lyrics are off her remix of “Quiet Storm,” w/Mobb Deep:

“My Brook-lon style speak for itself, like a wrestler; another notch
under my belt, the embezzeler, chrome treasurer, the U-N-O
competitor, I’m ten steps ahead of ya’.

I’m a leader, y’all on some
followin’ shit, come into this game on some modellin’ shit
Bitches suck cock just to get to the top, (but) I put a 100% in every line I drop.

It’s the Q to the B with the M-O-B-B, Queen’s Bridge, Brooklyn and
we D double E-P.
Wha? Y’all wish you had the life I live
Yo, Prodigy, tell them what this is, don.”

Don’t get me wrong: I know B.I.G. wrote (the bulk of?) Kim’s lyrics back in the day, but she is someone that people love to hate and she just does not care. She basically says,”Fuck you, I do what I do better than you can or ever will.” Despite all the plastic surgery, I still think she’s the shit.

-How many times have you seen 4 live?
Three times in two different cities. The best one was @ House of Blues in Chicago. I don’t smoke weed, but I’m pretty sure I left that show high.

-What is your favorite song by 7?
Favorite instrumental is “Exilio.”
But my favorite with lyrics is “Heaven’s Gonna Burn Your Eyes.” The lyrics are short but perfect:

“Do you applaud fear?
Do you hold it near?
Are you afraid to live your life
The way I perceive?
In my arms I’ll catch you.
Do you mind If I always love you?

Heaven’s gonna burn your eyes.

You’ll see
In my dream I’ll catch you.
Into my arms I’ll catch you.
Do you mind if I always love you?

Heaven’s gonna burn your eyes.”

-Is there any song by 3 that makes you sad?
I have to skip half of “Welcome to Jamrock,” because it’s too politically real for me.

-What is your favorite lyric of 2?
There’s no fucking way I can pick a “favorite lyric” from Tori Amos when I own almost everything she’s ever recorded, but if you held a gun to my head, I’d probably die singing:

“These precious things
Let them bleed
Let them wash away
These precious things
Let them break
Let them wash away.”

-What is your favorite song by 9?
“Seven Days”

I’m one of the lucky ones who has had a close friend become a lover. This song reminds me of how hard it was to make that decision.

-When did you first get into 1?
High school, thanks to Rooney, I think. (Hi, Rooney!) Rooney also got me into Toad the Wet Sprocket, Sarah McLachlan, Heather Nova and G. Love & Special Sauce.

-How did you get into 3?
The ex got the cd in 2004, but I didn’t really get into Jr. Gong until this year thanks to Mr. W&E. The lyric: “She’s a fine piece of mind with the right mindset,” always makes me smile.

-What is your favorite song by 4?
“Love Sponge” Imagine a huge crowd of people singing and swaying to that song and you have some of the most positive energy ever.

-How many times have you seen 2 live?
Three, I think. Maybe four.

-What is a good memory concerning 9?
Somebody hating my ringtone “Be Without You,” so much he threatened to throw my phone against the wall if he heard it again. No, seriously, it makes me laugh.

-Is there a song by 8 that makes you sad?
No.

-What is your favorite song of 1?
Already mentioned “Everybody Here Wants You,” but “Lover, You Should Have Come Over,” is awesome, too.

-How did you become a fan of 10?
I think I have Seven to blame for that one. They are just awesome. Another friend just read this and said, “I don’t know how many times I listened to ‘Teardrop,’ because of him,” and she’s completely right. That is his song. Everyone should have such a positive connection to a song as we do to that one.

If any of you do this survey, will you please post in a comment or send me the link to where you post it? Thanks.

I am thisclose to being diagnosed with a clinical obsession with food and cooking. Obsessed. In a previous professional incarnation, I was a restaurant critic for a major newspaper. It gives me great joy to walk into restaurants I now frequent and see reviews I’ve written framed on the wall.

In addition to watching more food-related TV than is reasonable or healthy, I read about food, cooking equipment and techniques voraciously. I adore Alton Brown and the Iron Chef. I consider Giada de Laurentiis a personal friend. I own “Cupboard Love” (a “dictionary of culinary curiousities”) by Mark Morton, “How to Peel a Peach,” by Perla Meyers, a few of the “Best Food Writing” annual anthologies and subscribe to Gourmet Magazine.

I started reading Gluten Free Girl last summer, after deciding that I wanted to “eat clean.” If you click the link, it looks like my girl Shauna has really started to garner the attention she deserves for making eating an exercise in joy again for sufferers of Celiac disease and others, like me, who just want to eat less processed foods. If you enjoy reading, food and cooking, you will most likely enjoy her stuff. She writes as clean as she cooks, and takes some really lovely photos.

Over on TMMB RMMB, I discovered a link to Pandora, an eerily predictive streaming music machine. Confused? Well, you type in the name of a musical artist or song and it creates a streaming music station based on what it predicts as your taste. So far, I have a Morcheeba station, a Sia station (thanks Michelle!), a Thievery Corporation station as well as a few Hip Hop stations. It is the antidote to my frustration with the iTunes streaming radio stations and effectively chills me out at work when my co-workers are getting rowdy playing with Monkey Mail.

I’ll come back and beef this up later, but my kitchen beckons and a series premiere (I”m too ashamed to admit what it is) awaits. Tell me what’s been turnin’ you on lately. Besides me. Smooches.